Whew Im Sweatin it out!

Heylo people! I recently obtained some interesting information about the percentage of women who engage in sex on the first date. According to an ABC poll 29% of women have sex on the first date. Fortunately, there is 70% who dont'. Still I was surprised it was almost a third. When I found out about this stat, it made more sense to me as to why guys would randomly bail on me out the clear blue sky. The sexual revolution did something to the institution of marriage and virginity that no one expected. It made both of these "institutions" almost obsolete. I mean think about it, in America youcan have sex, companionship and children without any of these institutions. Hell you can maintain your virginity and still become pregnant! Modern science. ANYWAY! after I found out these stats I realized that I had a very small chance with these men because the men were expecting me to have sex with them and when I didn't they were convinced that I was having sex with someone else and not them. Furthermore, I never discussed why I wasn't having sex with them but they never brought it up! So I am like whatever. I feel like if you really cared for me you would have asked what was really going on and you would have gotten an answer. JUST Ridiculous! I have about 36 more days to go. I still don't have any prospects so I plan to sail right on through the next 5 weeks. We shall see!
~HOLDING STRONG~ 

Observations

Interestingly enough, at the beginning of my celibacy it seemed like men were coming out of the wood work. Now it seems like my options have declined. At first I was kind of bothered by this. Then I realized it is a blessing. It is exactly what I need to make it to my finish line! After all if all the people that were around before were around now I imagine this pact with myself would be harder to keep. I say this because the chances are I probably really like that person and thus I would begin to make exceptions thus leading to me breaking my pact. Now, with few if any distractions, I shall trek these last 48 days effortlessly. Wow I just realized I am within 50 days of finishing out my celibacy OMG! I am SO excited about this! I'm REALLY GOING TO MAKE IT!

A second wind!
Yes! I made it I am at 11 months and 6 days! I almost got caught up lol but I think that GOD really wants me to make it to the finish line. I thank him everyday through this journey. A good friend that I get a lot of strength and advice from and has been celibate for 5 years asked me a very important question. She asked me were there really any guys during my 11 months that I felt they were worth giving it up to. I answered her unequivocally no. I didn't even have to think about it. That was sad to me, that at this point there aren't even really any contenders. I think that has made me see more clearly that I am definitely doing this for the right reasons. In this day and age guys won't even call for a date, they text instead ha! I have a firm belief that if you don't call me you won't be getting any from me. The thing that I have learned also was said best in a Lauryn Hill song " I thought something I wanted was something that I needed. Father you saved me! We shall see ! I am closing in on my goal and thus getting a second wind! Headed in the right direction I can see the light of day. There is no reason to be afraid!

Almost there...?
Oh so I am three months out at this point and still dating people. The saddest thing about this whole thing about to end in about 3 months is there aren't even any for real contenders that really I feel will even make me want to break my celibacy vow. This is so sad. I had hoped that I would meet someone while I was celibate and be ready to go by the time my year was over. Its not over yet and perhaps at the end of the year I will feel differently. LOL. If that does happen I will be revisiting my celibacy book for what needs to be done to stay celibate until my end date. So that is all for now. We shall see.;-)

Men and celibacy.

I wondered how many men are celibate. I have a male friend who was celibate for over a year. When I asked him why he said the woman he use to date was sleeping around with people that he knew and didn't know and he found out about it in addition to him being overseas because he is in the military. Another guy that I know has been officially celibate for 6 months. He is always trying to get some from me though. I asked him repeatedly why its so hard for him to not try to get any. He replied that it has been too long and he really likes me. I wondered what makes a man become celibate. I figured it has to do with time and their jobs which has been the case with these two men. Additionally, some men say they will go crazy without it. I don't think that is true. I think that these days men are spoiled. That's right I said it! Women have spoiled them. I have said it once and will say it again. They can always go somewhere else. My question for them is is it worth it. Neway. I will continue being celibate. Peace!

The rules....?

Ok so I randomly found this book called "All the Rules, time-tested secrets for capturing Mr. Right". I am currently on Rule 13. This book is very interesting and actually lends itself to celibacy to some degree in relation to dating. I realized that I made a mistake in counting in my last post. My bad I have about 5 months to go. I thought it was less. I feel like shit it has been 8 months. I forgot I started in January not December.Whomp Whomp...Oh well, it is prolly better for me. I will continue doing what I am doing. After I finish reading this "Rules" book I shall be putting it to use. I have learned that I already know how to do the rules with men I am not really that interested in. The real trick is to do use the rules with someone I really do like. I am interested in finding out where the rules will take me. I was going to ban myself from okcupid and craigslist to meet men in my last three months. It seems that I have 5 months left though, so I decided that the ban was no longer applicable.  Till next time, Love soul, and natural hair!

Im the best!

Wow! I can't believe this I am about 100 days out of accomplishing my goal of being celibate for a year. I have had many temptations and yes of course I have had oral sex only. I admit it. However, I feel am going with my definition of celibacy which is penetration only. Frankly, I believe that is what most people thing anyway primarily because penetrative sex leads to procreation. I am going into the winter months with hope that I will not fail especially since I am in school and unfortunately might have this vag thing again ;-(. I hope this is not the case. However, it might be just what I need to complete my celibacy mission. It is my blessing at my curse simultaneously. I find it ironic that what initially incepted the idea of my celibacy mission has come back. That's crazy. I am still dating about three guys one of which is African. He constantly pressures me for sex. I just use the pressure as practice to say no to him. At this point, since it has been 8 months, it is very easy for me to halt his advances. Its funny, he has made me realize that sometimes its easier to just appease men for sex just because. I had never thought about this until recently. I cannot say that I haven't done this as I am sure many of us have. If this has been done I encourage everyone to take a brake from sex.

Epiphany

Ha I went to see one of my favorite revolutionary rap groups DEAD PREZ. I loved the whole concert! Excellent group in concert. During the concert stic rapped about now being balanced and how he use to drink too much and had a bad diet. In the song he said he needed to find balance. He said that he was looking for balance. At that moment the light bulb really did go off in my head (AHA moment). I understood that I too was looking for balance. I had figured out that being in pseudo relationships with men to basically qualify the sex I was having with them left me tired and empty. I am still ruminating on finding my balance, though I do feel more balanced being celibate. I really do want a serious relationship and plan on seriously pursuing it when my celibacy is over. I have also start putting these guys on probation. I feel like they give you three months to figure out if a job is right for you why shouldn't I do that were my relationships are concerned. The three months is the first phase where they will be able to come over to my humble abode! We shall see...

OMG!

Hello, Awesomeness has occurred in the past couple of weeks. I know I was freaked out about my A&P course but guess what I totally got an A!
So, while talking to a friend of mine I found out we had both been dating the same guy for the past couple months. We both had the same complaints about him. The difference is I refused to sleep with guy because he refused to call me.She told me he would not call her either and we had similar experiences with him as an individual except I did not have sex with him. She chose a different route. The situation of a man not calling me and me sleeping with him was not foreign to me. A similar situation occurred with me I slept with a guy who would not call me. After about a while we slept together and I was like you should call me more and he obliged my request. However, I did think the situation was fucked up that I had to ask that of him in the first place. Unfortunately, I liked this guy and it ended anyway due to other circumstances. After that experience I promised myself I would never sleep with a man who refuses to call me. I feel like why should I give this man my body and he does not have the decency to call me. Its absolutely ludicrous!  Well because of this situation I figured out why it does not pay to be celibate in this society because there is another woman who is willing to have sex with the dude. Not only that but most of the time the guy will pick the woman who is putting out and leave the other woman to her own devices. I never worried about this because usually I was doing what everyone else was doing anyway lol!
On another note my first guy that took my virginity has come back into my life and I am seeing him. He brought flowers to my job today. We are not having sex until I am ready. I told him it might be sometime next year and he said he was fine with that because he had already had it. I told him whatever works! We shall see!

Blew it

So this has nothing to do with celibacy. I totally bombed my A&P test. It sucked and it was going to suck more because now I am gonna pay for that shit. I am pissed and disappointed ;-( It makes me sick and worse it messes up my plan! Shit! Maybe I am not meant to do this. I tried and thats all I can do. I just needed to vent. This would be a day for some good sex!

Birthday Gold!

YAY me I have made it 6 months the day after my birthday. It has definitely been a challenge especially since I am dating three guys. Oddly enough I am now dating my high school boyfriend too. This has been one of my biggest challenges primarily because I lost by virginity to him and because I am comfortable and familiar with him. Its been like 10 years since we have been together. Yesterday he almost got it in but I hoped up right in the nick of time. I will have to get some extra strategies for this situation especially in the winter when I find myself especially bored and vulnerable. I think that I will just study every time and also go to church perhaps. I will also have to reference my celibacy book in order to deal with this situation. The other guy is also extremely dangerous. However, with him its not as challenging for me to turn him down because I still feel like I need more information about him in general. I find him to be very mysterious but I like that. It doesn't make any sense to me either. I am also about to be out of school for a month and that hasn't happened this whole time I have been celibate and that makes it easier as well. I have anxiety regarding this month off school. You know what they say, boredom is the devil's playground. I hope that I can get through it. I will again be referencing my book and probably start going running and biking more. Just adding these two activites should help. Plus I have to study for my substance abuse test so that should help be remain focused for my celibacy pledge as well! We shall see!

Offically CELIBATE! Yay

Well I made it! Im officially considered celibate! I am definitely getting use to this lifestyle. I have more men than ever. Who Knew! well my mom knew. It's funny because she always tried to tell me not to have sex with these guys and I did it anyway. Mother's do know best please believe it. I might even consider waiting for marriage... I just see things in a better prespective. I definitely see through the bullshit more quickly than ever before and that gives me even a better reason to keep my celibacy lol. I don't think that sex is over rated but I do understand why its so special and why it should not be had by someone who wont appreciate you as a person. I understand why people wait until marriage a little more. I still am not sure I completely agree with it but that might be because I am not a virgin and somewhat bias in that regard. Neway I will continue this wonderful journey of self discovery and hopes that it will lead me to other realizations about not only dating but about men in general. We shall see. Stay tuned!

Almost halfway point!

Hey people I am almost to my half way point. I am extremely proud of myself. The most ironic thing about this celibacy thing is that I am dating about 6 guys right now lol unbeknowst to them! Yay me and I'm not having sex with any of them. I figured out that the more guys I date the better because I wont be sucked in to any of them to the point where I want to go to the next level. Now there are some contenders but I think I will be able to fend them off for the most part. We shall see. The guy I was dating at first disappeared and there are no hard feeling or bitterness because the relationship was just fun and dating. This is freaking awesome. So now I have a bet with two of my friends. I think I should let more people in so that I can make more money! LOL My male bestie asks me how I am dating so may guys and he is having problems juggling three women. I told him its that dayum double standard. He was like yeah you don't have to pay for anything because if you did the number would probably be last than half. I told him he had a good point. The thing that I have found overall is that men just need less which also makes it easier! ;-) I might update again at the half way point foreal...We shall see.

Learning Experiences

So, I've been gone for a minute but I'm back! Its been awhile. I have been still dating quite a bit of men. I have begin telling the new men that I meet that I am celibate until marriage.I don't know if I will tell all of them that. It is the experimental part. Hey what did you expect I'm a social scientist! However, it is refreshing that they take it well and some even stick around surprisingly enough. The first guy kinda faded away. I guess he thought I was joking that I was celibate. It had been about three months so I guess he figured out that I really was not joking but oh well. I am still dating others. I often wish I had listened to my mother earlier. I guess I just wanted to learn on my own and I definitely did. But mom's always right! This is my 4th month and I am very proud of myself! I Everyday I get more and more confident about keeping my celibacy oath to myself. I'm going to meet a new dude tonight. We shall see!

how long can I really last...?

So something interesting happened recently. My friend told me about his friend's girlfriend. He told me that this woman was 42 years old and still a virgin. I was stunned and yet at the same time strangely encouraged..?! I say this because out situations are not the same yet the outcome is similar. Knowing that someone like that was encouraging because she said no to temptation. I thought to myself, wouldn't be awesome if I could interview this woman for all of her tricks and how she avoided all of that temptation really is amazing to me. However, the bad thing is she is 42 and childless. (She wants children). So is being a virgin and waiting for the right one really the thing to do if this is the result? I know she can adopt but that not wants she wants. I am still doing quite well in my celibacy and half way to being truly celibate with 3 months to go. I am sure I can make it. I mean if someone is 42 and a virgin I can surely make it 90 days right. I somewhat do not even really have a choice because I have a crazy A&P class that is going to be hell on earth. I don't think I will be able to even spare any time to even have sex which is a good thing. We shall see.

Nice

Hello out there people. I am coming up on 90 days tomorrow Yay! It has been a hard journey. I am still seeing the same person. He still gives me pecks. At first I was upset about this. Then I had to remember my triggers from the sensual celibacy book. Since french kissing is one of my triggers I thought that I should probably stay away from doing this. This occurred to me when old boy was like " I kiss you the way you want to be kissed". At first I was like that's not how I want to be kissed and was upset then I was like yep he is right. The 90 days isnt' really a big deal because I need at least 6 months to be considered celibate but this is half way! I will definitely continue doing what I am doing. Also another good tip was date as many people as you can handle. I unfortunately can only handle too because of school. I think that I am doing quite well as far as this is concerned. I am wondering well all of this will end up in the next year. We shall see.

Finished

Hey people that was sad that I only posted once for March. I was moving so quickly last month that I did not get a chance to get ur done. I finished the book. It was interesting at the end of the book was basically about giving men the benefit of the dobut. I have been doing that and in the process have met several men. She also suggested that he you date as many men as you can handle. Now theoretically you would think that doing that would lead to more temptation but it does not. I think that is because you don't get too involved and therefore its less likely you have sex with anyone because you have to spend more time getting to know all of them. I am really enjoying this and oddly enough it seems as if I am getting more attention in general lol. At then end of the book you have the choice to end the celibacy contract with yourself. I am not going to end it until next year. Hopefully, I will remember to do it. Also, another thing I learned is it get's easier to be like nope I am not doing that and be at peace with the decision. We shall see.

Im focused man!

I am now on the chapter about giving men the benefit of the doubt. I met a man that said he was okay with my celibacy. He is about 9 years old then me. For some reason I was sprung. It was ridiculous. He started acting strangely and it was because he was with another woman. But I did not mind, I'm not going to give him any anyway and its been great just dating him. I am now in my second month. It feels great! I figured out too that I definitely need to be more focused on myself and I had lost sight of that when  I met this man. I did learn this though I was so nervous about telling him about my celibacy pledge and was surprised by his positive response. I think the next person I meet telling them will be a piece of cake! This is the easy part for me. We will see what happens after MAY this year because that will be the real test. We shall see!

Vacay Hooray!

So I have met this guy that I really like. I have still been reading my book. The book suggested that I tell him immediately. On the day I was going to tell him, he mentioned that taking him on a "day date" will keep someone in the friend zone. I decided not to tell him on  the day I saw him based off what he said. However, later that night he sent me a text message stating that he liked me. I told him that I liked him too. Therefore at this point I feel like its necessary to tell him. I have to be celibate because I am considered a "healing celibate" and I intend to be celibate for at least 6 months to a year god willing! I am going on vacay and will update again in March. This will include what he said when I told him about my celibacy pledge. We shall see! ;-)

Happy V day!

Happy valentines day! This mark's the day of a whole month of abstinance for me. I use this adjective because it is not considered true celibacy for 6 months. Can you believe that 6 months=s celibacy. I have 5 months left before I am truly celibate.  I have been doing very well. I have been reading my celibacy book and getting encouragement from my other friend who has been celibate for 5 years. I talked to her yesterday and she sent me a nice txt about abstinance today. The sensual celibacy book had good suggestions about making play part of the plan for sensual celibacy. I went and played on the swings yesterday and took a walk in nature as it was a really nice day out yesterday. I am also going to start running effective tomorrow. Since I have been abstinent for 4 months in the past. I am looking forward to pushing myself at the 5 month mark. I did what I do everyday love myself! I will continue doing so at this rate and pace forever!;-) We shall see

Snow Day!

So usually when u think of a snow day u think of snuggling with your partner after being intimate. This was not an option for me. What to do well I called my clients and talked to friends on the phone which was nice. I have also decided to give myself a facial nicely. I am going to post some of the questions from Donna Marie Williams sensual celibacy. So in a way this will serve as my journal of celibacy which is what she suggests.
Have you ever said yes to sex when u really wanted to say no? if yes, is this a pattern you've repeated over the years with different me? Why have you done this? I have to say no to this question.
In your practice of celibacy, how do you feel about yourself as a woman? How do think your sexually active friends feel about your practice? How do you are perceived by society? Do you care? I feel great about myself as a woman because it was my choice, I was not forced i simply made a decision. I have two friends that have practiced celibacy. One of my friends is still celibate and has been for 5 years. My other friend was celibate for 3 years so they are my supports. I really don't care how I am perceived by society. If I did I seriously doubt I would be doing a blog if that is the case. LOl. We shall see. Oh more questions to come.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Sorry about the hiatus. I just felt that after the relapse in about it weeks time. I needed to examine some things and to see if I was really even mature enough to do this or go on this journey. I am still reading my celibacy book and it has offered a wealth of knowledge that I know I needed. There are also some exercises in the book that I am going to be posting. The first step is chart celibate times in your life thus far. I have been having sex for 10 years which is another reason I decided I needed a break. I have only truly been celibate once seen I started having sex. Note celibacy is being without sex for 6 months. My longest stint was from 8/01-4/02 and that was about 9 months. Another time was 4/02-12/03. Then again from do not have any other times were I was celibate for 6 months or more. After looking at my list it has been non stops with about 3-5 months of intervals in between primarily because I was in relationships most of the time. Since these past two weeks. I have started school and realized like the book said that I am already getting more stuff done because I have time to do it instead of having sex albeit I was only getting it once a week. I have been on craigslist but I read an article in Psychology today about being successful in your New Year's resolution by splicing your goals into smaller pieces and using if then's. I give the celibacy thing as an example. if he would call and ask me to come over I would do so and sleep with him. Therefore, I had to cut off communication. This has been effective in reaching my goal as I have lasted two weeks YAY! ;-) Therefore I will continue using if thens. We shall see!

Book

So I started reading the sensual guide to celibacy. I already like the beginning. It just talks about what women go through in regards to sex and the social ramifications of not having sex in society. I could really identify with what the author had to say. The most interesting thing about it and what I identified most with was these relationships that I have gotten in that have led no where. Its like why the hell where we having sex in the first place. Ridiculousness! The way that sex is looked at in society was also very interesting. Because of how society is today you are considered a freak if you aren't having sex with anyone. Really in society not having sex is looked down on which is really unfortunate. It used to be something that was prized and sacred. Now we have shows like teen mom show casing to the whole world teenagers having sex and the consequences. This is my sixth day and I have no worries that I will make it till tomorrow lol. We shall see ;-)

Testing

Well I passed this test. So my friend came over on Saturday. OMG we went out then came back to my place to watch a movie. Of course there was some kissing and heavy petting/ gropping and the like. However, I did not have sex with him. Yay me! I was very proud of myself. I guess it is true what they say  because I feel like these men are coming out of the woodwork! I got my celibacy book today and I will be attempting to read at least one chapter a day. I will tell you all the wonderfulness of this book. Hopefully this book will give me some guidance on this journey that I am taking. We shall see

ok 2nd day

MMk this is my second day for real. Still have not gotten my book either. It is at least supposed to come by the end of this month. I told my friend what I had done and she yelled at me. I admit I needed that. Its Saturday and I am somewhat bored so I went to the gym that I signed up for a month. You know what they say. " Boredom is the devil's playground". I mean really think about it. How many times have you called that dude that you have no interest in because you were bored. Happens all the time. I think that when school starts and with me going to the gym I will be less likely to have a fuck up haha for that is exactly what it is and that is exactly what happens if you get my drift. LOL. After that work out I am just tired. Well the most important thing however is I am no longer bored and that is definitely a good thing. Thats all for me. Hopefully I will make it through the weekend sexless... WE shall see

AH cant be friends

I love that Trey Songz song. It is my life currently. I wish I never met him and right now we just cant be friends. I had an epic fail. I let it happen though. You know  I think I just needed that one last time. Hell I think both of us needed that last time. It felt like a last time because it was so passionate and wonderful. I think since that was my last time it was worth it because it was wonderful and special because it is my last time. So now since its still January I canto be celibate until 1-7-12. Now I know that he is too dangerous and irresistible that I can't even go over his place without something happening between us. I don't regret what I did as I said before. This journey is meant to be a learning experience and I learned I have to stay away from him in private settings ie his place or mine lol. I would be a little disappointed in myself but I am not. I will strive to do better and I think I just need more general information about being celibate. I also came to grips with the fact this man is leaving in May and I need to stop it because its not going anywhere!  WISH ME LUCK AS I CONTINUE THIS JOURNEY.

Hey I'm still here!

So another day but not another dollar. So sad I got on craigslist again. Its strange addiction. Maybe I should make that part of my New Year's resolution too. Stay off craigslist. However, I'm still holding on strong. The longest time Ive gone without sex is 9 months but that was when I was 18 and in a long distance relationship and was "new in the game." As of last year I went 4 months without it. However, I think that purposely doing this brings on a different meaning. We shall see. I have also ordered a celibacy book. Hopefully the book will be interesting and not a dry anti sex book. It has been nice thus far. The most interesting thing is going to be dating while celibate. I read an article about a woman in England who had sex with 30 men by the time she was 28. Then one day she woke up and decided what she was doing was pointless. She also said she went on several dates and did not have sex with any of them. We shall see... since I can't seem to stay off craigslist, maybe I can get some dates in the meantime. Neway deuces;-)

It begins sorta lol

This is technically like 3 weeks into this thing. You know its like you have sex with someone then you don't see them and time passes. Like damn. I decided to do this for me hoping to go on a different type of journey in my life. Im 27 have a Master's degree and have found myself settling in nicely to well life. Its strange being comfortable and I feel like I'm too young for this its weird so what do I do that right! I'm going back to school to be a nurse lol. My masters is in clinical psych you think she makes more money than an rn nurse. Unfortunately I don't ehh what are you going to do. I figured why not go back. Neway thats all for me. I decided to do this instead of twitter. I think twitter is weird because I don't think Im popular enough to be followed neway which is prolly true. Neway deuces. oh yeah my most difficult challenge is going to be staying off craigslist to meet men. i know sad but I have met awesome black men if you can believe it. I mean they have all been certified Masters degreed black men.  I know strange. I can't even meet that on the street.