Saturday, August 27, 2011

Im the best!

Wow! I can't believe this I am about 100 days out of accomplishing my goal of being celibate for a year. I have had many temptations and yes of course I have had oral sex only. I admit it. However, I feel am going with my definition of celibacy which is penetration only. Frankly, I believe that is what most people thing anyway primarily because penetrative sex leads to procreation. I am going into the winter months with hope that I will not fail especially since I am in school and unfortunately might have this vag thing again ;-(. I hope this is not the case. However, it might be just what I need to complete my celibacy mission. It is my blessing at my curse simultaneously. I find it ironic that what initially incepted the idea of my celibacy mission has come back. That's crazy. I am still dating about three guys one of which is African. He constantly pressures me for sex. I just use the pressure as practice to say no to him. At this point, since it has been 8 months, it is very easy for me to halt his advances. Its funny, he has made me realize that sometimes its easier to just appease men for sex just because. I had never thought about this until recently. I cannot say that I haven't done this as I am sure many of us have. If this has been done I encourage everyone to take a brake from sex.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Ha I went to see one of my favorite revolutionary rap groups DEAD PREZ. I loved the whole concert! Excellent group in concert. During the concert stic rapped about now being balanced and how he use to drink too much and had a bad diet. In the song he said he needed to find balance. He said that he was looking for balance. At that moment the light bulb really did go off in my head (AHA moment). I understood that I too was looking for balance. I had figured out that being in pseudo relationships with men to basically qualify the sex I was having with them left me tired and empty. I am still ruminating on finding my balance, though I do feel more balanced being celibate. I really do want a serious relationship and plan on seriously pursuing it when my celibacy is over. I have also start putting these guys on probation. I feel like they give you three months to figure out if a job is right for you why shouldn't I do that were my relationships are concerned. The three months is the first phase where they will be able to come over to my humble abode! We shall see...