Epiphany

Ha I went to see one of my favorite revolutionary rap groups DEAD PREZ. I loved the whole concert! Excellent group in concert. During the concert stic rapped about now being balanced and how he use to drink too much and had a bad diet. In the song he said he needed to find balance. He said that he was looking for balance. At that moment the light bulb really did go off in my head (AHA moment). I understood that I too was looking for balance. I had figured out that being in pseudo relationships with men to basically qualify the sex I was having with them left me tired and empty. I am still ruminating on finding my balance, though I do feel more balanced being celibate. I really do want a serious relationship and plan on seriously pursuing it when my celibacy is over. I have also start putting these guys on probation. I feel like they give you three months to figure out if a job is right for you why shouldn't I do that were my relationships are concerned. The three months is the first phase where they will be able to come over to my humble abode! We shall see...

OMG!

Hello, Awesomeness has occurred in the past couple of weeks. I know I was freaked out about my A&P course but guess what I totally got an A!
So, while talking to a friend of mine I found out we had both been dating the same guy for the past couple months. We both had the same complaints about him. The difference is I refused to sleep with guy because he refused to call me.She told me he would not call her either and we had similar experiences with him as an individual except I did not have sex with him. She chose a different route. The situation of a man not calling me and me sleeping with him was not foreign to me. A similar situation occurred with me I slept with a guy who would not call me. After about a while we slept together and I was like you should call me more and he obliged my request. However, I did think the situation was fucked up that I had to ask that of him in the first place. Unfortunately, I liked this guy and it ended anyway due to other circumstances. After that experience I promised myself I would never sleep with a man who refuses to call me. I feel like why should I give this man my body and he does not have the decency to call me. Its absolutely ludicrous!  Well because of this situation I figured out why it does not pay to be celibate in this society because there is another woman who is willing to have sex with the dude. Not only that but most of the time the guy will pick the woman who is putting out and leave the other woman to her own devices. I never worried about this because usually I was doing what everyone else was doing anyway lol!
On another note my first guy that took my virginity has come back into my life and I am seeing him. He brought flowers to my job today. We are not having sex until I am ready. I told him it might be sometime next year and he said he was fine with that because he had already had it. I told him whatever works! We shall see!

Blew it

So this has nothing to do with celibacy. I totally bombed my A&P test. It sucked and it was going to suck more because now I am gonna pay for that shit. I am pissed and disappointed ;-( It makes me sick and worse it messes up my plan! Shit! Maybe I am not meant to do this. I tried and thats all I can do. I just needed to vent. This would be a day for some good sex!

Birthday Gold!

YAY me I have made it 6 months the day after my birthday. It has definitely been a challenge especially since I am dating three guys. Oddly enough I am now dating my high school boyfriend too. This has been one of my biggest challenges primarily because I lost by virginity to him and because I am comfortable and familiar with him. Its been like 10 years since we have been together. Yesterday he almost got it in but I hoped up right in the nick of time. I will have to get some extra strategies for this situation especially in the winter when I find myself especially bored and vulnerable. I think that I will just study every time and also go to church perhaps. I will also have to reference my celibacy book in order to deal with this situation. The other guy is also extremely dangerous. However, with him its not as challenging for me to turn him down because I still feel like I need more information about him in general. I find him to be very mysterious but I like that. It doesn't make any sense to me either. I am also about to be out of school for a month and that hasn't happened this whole time I have been celibate and that makes it easier as well. I have anxiety regarding this month off school. You know what they say, boredom is the devil's playground. I hope that I can get through it. I will again be referencing my book and probably start going running and biking more. Just adding these two activites should help. Plus I have to study for my substance abuse test so that should help be remain focused for my celibacy pledge as well! We shall see!

Offically CELIBATE! Yay

Well I made it! Im officially considered celibate! I am definitely getting use to this lifestyle. I have more men than ever. Who Knew! well my mom knew. It's funny because she always tried to tell me not to have sex with these guys and I did it anyway. Mother's do know best please believe it. I might even consider waiting for marriage... I just see things in a better prespective. I definitely see through the bullshit more quickly than ever before and that gives me even a better reason to keep my celibacy lol. I don't think that sex is over rated but I do understand why its so special and why it should not be had by someone who wont appreciate you as a person. I understand why people wait until marriage a little more. I still am not sure I completely agree with it but that might be because I am not a virgin and somewhat bias in that regard. Neway I will continue this wonderful journey of self discovery and hopes that it will lead me to other realizations about not only dating but about men in general. We shall see. Stay tuned!

Almost halfway point!

Hey people I am almost to my half way point. I am extremely proud of myself. The most ironic thing about this celibacy thing is that I am dating about 6 guys right now lol unbeknowst to them! Yay me and I'm not having sex with any of them. I figured out that the more guys I date the better because I wont be sucked in to any of them to the point where I want to go to the next level. Now there are some contenders but I think I will be able to fend them off for the most part. We shall see. The guy I was dating at first disappeared and there are no hard feeling or bitterness because the relationship was just fun and dating. This is freaking awesome. So now I have a bet with two of my friends. I think I should let more people in so that I can make more money! LOL My male bestie asks me how I am dating so may guys and he is having problems juggling three women. I told him its that dayum double standard. He was like yeah you don't have to pay for anything because if you did the number would probably be last than half. I told him he had a good point. The thing that I have found overall is that men just need less which also makes it easier! ;-) I might update again at the half way point foreal...We shall see.

Learning Experiences

So, I've been gone for a minute but I'm back! Its been awhile. I have been still dating quite a bit of men. I have begin telling the new men that I meet that I am celibate until marriage.I don't know if I will tell all of them that. It is the experimental part. Hey what did you expect I'm a social scientist! However, it is refreshing that they take it well and some even stick around surprisingly enough. The first guy kinda faded away. I guess he thought I was joking that I was celibate. It had been about three months so I guess he figured out that I really was not joking but oh well. I am still dating others. I often wish I had listened to my mother earlier. I guess I just wanted to learn on my own and I definitely did. But mom's always right! This is my 4th month and I am very proud of myself! I Everyday I get more and more confident about keeping my celibacy oath to myself. I'm going to meet a new dude tonight. We shall see!