Colorism

I am a proud dark skinned woman but it took me a while to become as self confident as I am. As a child I never had any issues with my skin complexion. In my neighborhood I played with mostly white children and at school by best friends were always white girls until I got to high school. I was always aware of my skin complexion but no one really said anything derogatory about my skin complexion. It wasn't until high school when I was I felt passed over for my light skinned friend that I started to feel insecure. I never had any trouble attracting the opposite sex on my own but it seemed to me that when she was around the guys always picked her. It got even worse in college in New Orleans. They have a serious color complex which almost completely ruined my self esteem. They refer to women when trying to "holler" only by their skin complexion. If you were " light" you were "red" and if you were dark skinned you were "black". I found  this repulsive. I thank God that when I came home for holidays I never had to deal with any colorism. My father always said my sister and I were beautiful and friends and family members agreed. I was raised in a nuclear family base so their opinion always mattered to me.They also took me to Jamaica for a graduation. When I graduated from Xavier in New Orleans I was still struggling with my self esteem. When I arrived in Jamaica the locals embraced my beauty and my self esteem was restored. This single experience almost got me back to how I felt in my younger days! My career has not really been impacted my complexion yet and I feel blessed in that regard. I even volunteered with Big brothers and Big Sisters and was pleased when I got a dark skinned little sister so I could teach her to have healthy self esteem about her complexion stand up for herself when she heard things like " you are pretty for a darkskinned girl". Stopping internalized oppression needs to start with us the black community! 

Looks Like I made it Hooray!!!

So I am excited to report that I have made it 365+ days without having vaginal
or anal sex. Ps I am a still a virgin to anal sex and have been allof my life and I intend to be one until I die!  Lol. Now I know you are all wondering about the lessons that I have learned throughout this journey about being without sex. I have learned that with men you can date someone for several months and never mention why you won't have sex. I have learned that some men are actually willing to wait and some won't. I have learned that us women have spoiled men so that they think we are not even worth waiting for. I learned that it feels great to call a man when you have not had sex with him and if doesn't answer it doesn't matter. The last thing I learned is that I have regained my POWER! That's right lady this celibacy vow has allowed me to look at sex differently. We as women have always had this power but we have choosen to loosen the grips of it by giving it away too too easily. We can change the world if women stop gving it up so easily. This will cause fewer baby's mama's, possibly more marriages espeically for black men. We all know that most men do not want to raise anyone else's children other than their own when given a choice. So ladies let's all regain our POWER and make it better for the next generation!

Whew Im Sweatin it out!

Heylo people! I recently obtained some interesting information about the percentage of women who engage in sex on the first date. According to an ABC poll 29% of women have sex on the first date. Fortunately, there is 70% who dont'. Still I was surprised it was almost a third. When I found out about this stat, it made more sense to me as to why guys would randomly bail on me out the clear blue sky. The sexual revolution did something to the institution of marriage and virginity that no one expected. It made both of these "institutions" almost obsolete. I mean think about it, in America youcan have sex, companionship and children without any of these institutions. Hell you can maintain your virginity and still become pregnant! Modern science. ANYWAY! after I found out these stats I realized that I had a very small chance with these men because the men were expecting me to have sex with them and when I didn't they were convinced that I was having sex with someone else and not them. Furthermore, I never discussed why I wasn't having sex with them but they never brought it up! So I am like whatever. I feel like if you really cared for me you would have asked what was really going on and you would have gotten an answer. JUST Ridiculous! I have about 36 more days to go. I still don't have any prospects so I plan to sail right on through the next 5 weeks. We shall see!
~HOLDING STRONG~ 

Observations

Interestingly enough, at the beginning of my celibacy it seemed like men were coming out of the wood work. Now it seems like my options have declined. At first I was kind of bothered by this. Then I realized it is a blessing. It is exactly what I need to make it to my finish line! After all if all the people that were around before were around now I imagine this pact with myself would be harder to keep. I say this because the chances are I probably really like that person and thus I would begin to make exceptions thus leading to me breaking my pact. Now, with few if any distractions, I shall trek these last 48 days effortlessly. Wow I just realized I am within 50 days of finishing out my celibacy OMG! I am SO excited about this! I'm REALLY GOING TO MAKE IT!

A second wind!
Yes! I made it I am at 11 months and 6 days! I almost got caught up lol but I think that GOD really wants me to make it to the finish line. I thank him everyday through this journey. A good friend that I get a lot of strength and advice from and has been celibate for 5 years asked me a very important question. She asked me were there really any guys during my 11 months that I felt they were worth giving it up to. I answered her unequivocally no. I didn't even have to think about it. That was sad to me, that at this point there aren't even really any contenders. I think that has made me see more clearly that I am definitely doing this for the right reasons. In this day and age guys won't even call for a date, they text instead ha! I have a firm belief that if you don't call me you won't be getting any from me. The thing that I have learned also was said best in a Lauryn Hill song " I thought something I wanted was something that I needed. Father you saved me! We shall see ! I am closing in on my goal and thus getting a second wind! Headed in the right direction I can see the light of day. There is no reason to be afraid!

Almost there...?
Oh so I am three months out at this point and still dating people. The saddest thing about this whole thing about to end in about 3 months is there aren't even any for real contenders that really I feel will even make me want to break my celibacy vow. This is so sad. I had hoped that I would meet someone while I was celibate and be ready to go by the time my year was over. Its not over yet and perhaps at the end of the year I will feel differently. LOL. If that does happen I will be revisiting my celibacy book for what needs to be done to stay celibate until my end date. So that is all for now. We shall see.;-)

Men and celibacy.

I wondered how many men are celibate. I have a male friend who was celibate for over a year. When I asked him why he said the woman he use to date was sleeping around with people that he knew and didn't know and he found out about it in addition to him being overseas because he is in the military. Another guy that I know has been officially celibate for 6 months. He is always trying to get some from me though. I asked him repeatedly why its so hard for him to not try to get any. He replied that it has been too long and he really likes me. I wondered what makes a man become celibate. I figured it has to do with time and their jobs which has been the case with these two men. Additionally, some men say they will go crazy without it. I don't think that is true. I think that these days men are spoiled. That's right I said it! Women have spoiled them. I have said it once and will say it again. They can always go somewhere else. My question for them is is it worth it. Neway. I will continue being celibate. Peace!